Our (so-called) "employer"

Our (so-called) "employer"

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Annie Got Her Gun

Warning: This post not for the faint of heart!

It turns out that February sucked more than a little, Kitties.
There was my disasterous fall in my circus stunt gone wrong; my twice-infected toe; and ML's 50th wake.
And then there was Willie's near-wake.

There is a very evil and ferocious black tom cat who has been terrorizing us. He lives down the road in a junk yard heap of dilapidation. His "caretakers" feed him, but will not neuter him. (ML tried that.) He is under the delusion that my yards are his yards. He has been around ever since the Mosaics moved into this house, but he only started really coming around very frequently in the late afternoons right after I moved in.
Black on black violence, Kitties!
His head is as fat as his balls.
He is fearless and cunning, and lies in wait for us. I maintain a near-constant vigil from my many window seats. It is exhausting.

Two weeks ago he threw down with Willie, mere feets from Willie's own front porch. By the time ML got to Willie, this is what Willie looked like (He looked worse. This was after the fur doctor cleaned him up):

I will spare you the gory details of the minutes and hours following but will say that many stinky bodily excretions were covering Willie and ML as she yanked him out from under the front deck and raced him to the fur doctor's. It is hard to say who was closer to fainting from the adrenaline surge, ML or Willie.
He was in much pain and could not walk for a couple of days, and then could only walk with his back legs going in a different direction from his front legs. Today he seems back to his (very) old self, and can even trot at his geriatric pace in a straight line. Sort of.

You all know that stress and anger do not nurture the blogging muse. We have all been pretty unmotivated when it comes to our posts. Plus, I have been very busy for those few rare moments in the morning when I do get to go outside, replacing his eau de toilet all over my yards and doors with my own signature scent.
He is really pissing me off, Kitties.
ML got a trap from Animal Control the next morning and watched Tom walk around it two days in a row to spray the back of my shed that she placed it in. We caught an irritated possum on the second night.
And then I had an idea.
I got a gun. An air gun that shoots pellets. I think Militant Mosaic Lady is going to let me shoot Tom bin Laden.

Smells like Tom spirit!

The bummer of all this is that just when we thought ML was going to get us a new COUCH for her birthday, now she is probably going to get us THIS. I'm sure you know how that thrills me.
She keeps telling me it's because she loves me so much and that it will protect the geriatrics who just like to sit on the back benches, mostly, to catch the suns in their furs.

And then there is that summer snake fetish of Sadie's.

It will go here, 100 feet of it, to enclose the deck and pretty much all of the grass that you can see. I will be furious, of course, and will take my frustration out on Sadie, of course, and ML will be forced to let me roam the yards freely, of course, and then she will continue to spend the rest of her (very limited) days obsessing over my whereabouts and my safety, of course.

I'm loaded for Tom, Kitties!

No country for Old Toms!
There will be blood!


Victor Tabbycat said...

Oh, my! Pleez be careful wif that gun, Annie! An poor Willie! Dat's just awful what dat bad cat did to hims. Sadie, pleez be careful! I can't loose my girlfuriend.

HRH Yao-Lin said...

Oh my cat. Poor poor Willie. THAT is absolutely horrific. I can't bear to think of him suffering at the hands of some random black cat. That is just awful. Whilst I don't advocate violence of any sort (ha ha), I think the image of you sitting by the window with the gun, aiming at your target, is simply adorable! Kitty cuteness at its finest! Having said that, there must be devices that can be used to deter the evil bully cat. I know some people buy sonic devices that repel cats. Or perhaps there is some sort of lotion or powder that can be used? Don't say gun powder, that's not what i meant. Oh what a sad state of affairs it is. I shall do some research and see what I can find on the internet. Take good care x

Beezer said...

My paws and whiskers!!!
Willie, dood, I hopes you is feelin' better. That looks just awful. You do everything that the mombean sez to do, gets lots of rest, and eats a lot. Do you get the stinky goodness? Coz you really should get nothing but the finest tuna & salmon. Please get better soon, its almost spring and there will be lots of warm sun to nap in.

Yep. There's a new sheriff it town and her name is Annie. you do what you need to to keep the family safe from that evil intruder.

Purrs & Purrs & Purrs for a fast recovery for Willie.

Eric and Flynn said...

Oh poor Willie, that is awful what that evil introoder kitty did to you.We hope you are all right and taking it easy. Be careful wiv that gun Annie and good luck purrtecting your yard.

Jimmy Joe said...

Oh man oh man, what a dramatic story. Poor Willie--I hope he is feelin' okay by now and chillin' with some nip. Man, isn't there anyway to get Mean Ol' Tom into the cage to get his hoo-hahs taken away? He can't be trusted with them. In the meantime, stay vigilant, Deputy Annie.
Your buddy, Jimmy Joe

Fat Eric said...

Oh poor Willie. That Tom bin laden is not a nice kitty. Maybe your mum can kidnap him and have his bits removed...

Stay vigilant Annie.

I sometimes get Evil Intruder Cats in my garden but strangely when they see great big me coming towards them they usually run away without me having to lay a paw on them, heh heh.

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Did yoor mom bait the trap wif ultra stinky toona? Dat boy needs is nuggets removed. Mean, just plain old mean. Poor Willie...

Kaz's Cats said...

G'day Annie, we were horrified to read about how that horrible tom attacked Willie. We're also pretty disgusted with his so-called "caretakers" - humans can be so irresponsible sometimes.

It's a good thing that Sheriff Annie is on the prowl. Sorry about the couch, but the enclosure could be good in that it'll keep black tom and any other mean kitties away from you.

Oh, and Happy belated Purrthday wishes to ML from us and our Mum,

Stay safe kitties, and we'll purr that Willie continues to recover.

Purrs & headbutts

Gypsy & Tasha

Diamond Emerald-Eyes said...

I will come an help.
Will not need gun.
Please get Tom sized box ready for burial.

Diamond Emerald-Eyes
Assassin Extrodinare
Dealer of Death

michico*Adan said...

Oah My God Willie!!!

Karen Jo said...

It's horrible what Tom bin laden did to poor Willie. I hope he is feeling much better now. Annie, get your gun ready and shoot him right in the hoo-has. Then he will have to have them removed.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Poor Willie. That was horrible. I hope things work out for all involved.

Jelly said...

Oh, no! I'm glad Willie's okay and Annie's on guard. Are you ok, ML?

Daisy said...

I am very, very, very ANGRY and upset at what the very bad and mean cat did to sweet Willie. I hope at the very least his owners will have to pay for Willie's vet bills. Maybe that will teach them a lesson. Because really, it is their fault for not neutering him and caring for him properly so that he became bad.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Da evil Tom must pay. Do not waste any time. Mom tried to be Mrs nice guy wif an evil incarnate introoder dat fot wif her cat from afore. After many trips to da vet from puncture wounds from da evil one, he finally did not come around anymore. But if he efur did da damage like what yur poor Willie suffered she would haf boiled da evil one alive instead of letting him be.
Be furry careful. We am praying for you.

Tiger Lily said...

Oh I am so sorry for Willie! That definitely deserves the pellet gun.

It is very sad when humans do not do what they should and then the kitties have to pay. Has Mosaic Lady talked with Animal Control about this attack on Willie? In some areas they have the authority to force the homeowner to to keep Tom bin Laden confined because of the attack.

Lux said...

I became very upset with that bad cat when I saw that picture of Willie! Please, all of you be careful!

Tyler said...

Oh Willie, you poor thing! We hope you heal super quickly! I hope you catch that Tom and take off those big balls of his. Annie do you mind going after those people who are suppose to be taking care of the guy? That's who I'd really like for you to teach a lesson.

Poppy Q said...

Oh Willie I hopes you is feeling better soon. what a nasty old tom cat.

Parker said...

Oh. My. Bast!
Poor, poor Willie! Tom bin laden needs his balls in a jar. Those people who "take care of him" need their necks mauled.
The fence is a good idea. And so is a trap to get that Tom de-Tommed.
Poor, poor Willie!

Sunny's Mommy said...

Poor Willie. What a horrible thing to happen to him. I hope ML is able to catch that bad black cat in the cage. It's a good thing she's getting you a cat enclosure. That way Willie, and the others, can be safe in their own yard.

catsynth said...

You're a very pretty black kitty, Annie. But be careful with that gun!

WereBear said...

I don't blame you for the contemplated carnage. I've found a bit of Brewer's Yeast in the canned food or dusted on the dry helps cats heal faster; especially the old wise ones.

If you become the Big Cat and drive the tom from your yard (perfect weather for a hose with an attachment,) that would help convince him that a Bigger Cat has this yard; something Willie cannot do.