Tattle Tail Tuesday #7 - Mosaic Lady Scissorhands

Kitties, I believe that today's Tattle, in its simplicity, is perfectly illustrative of ML's absolute ineptness. It will give you a good amount of insight into how her mind (doesn't) works.

What do you notice about this photo, Kitties?
Bingo! Two pair of identical reading glasses.
Mosaic Lady noticed a display in CVS recently and started trying them on while waiting for her meds. (Need I say more?)
She really liked this pair, and really put out the bucks for them, Kitties, paying 20something dollars. (Of course she can't remember numbers or prices!)

When she got home, she found the plastic tag quite a challenge to remove. The helpful instructions told her to use a flat object to pry open the snap. So she grabs a steak knife. Before you can say: "Don't use that, you pathetic gaboon!", she put two huge scratches in the middle of the left lens.

ML is a bit OCD about (most everything, unless it involves: cleaning, cooking, gardening, grocery shopping, gift wrapping, fashion, hair styling) having clear eyeglass and a clean computer screen. Those two scratches were making her insane. She finally had the inspiration to search them out on eBay.
Voila! At half the price, even with shipping! A thrilling moment for all of us, as you might imagine.

When the new pair came in the mail, she almost broke off the arms trying to get them out of the 9 inches of bubble wrap and tape they were trapped inside. Having learned her lesson the first time (you just know I'm setting you up here, don't you?), she decided to use something other than a steak knife to pry off the annoying tag. She opted for the blade part of a small utensil knife contraption, so short it was sure to keep the blade away from the lenses, she "reasoned".

Alas...the blade was the perfect length to reach right through the tag and impale her left thumb so badly that the copious flow of blood forced her to run for a bandage.
I was so aghast that I covered my eyes at this point, so I do not know how she got the tag off, but it involved much potty mouth directed toward the glass manufacturer.


The same nasty diatribe was directed toward Verizon the day she tried to pry her new cell phone out of the industrial strength plastic packaging. Can you see some of the blood there on her right thumb? She got it all over the phone, too. It was ugly. Looked like a crime scene, frankly.
I tried to direct her to the warning on the box that said: "Must be opened under the supervision of a sane person."
Persons say that insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results. ML is definitely certainly probably possibly insane.

I can not tell you how many brand new catalog dresses she has cut a two-inch slit into as she tries to open the mailing envelopes with scissors. And just last night, she impaled herself again with the kitchen scissors she used to open her bag of salad.

Get a clue, Mosaic Lady. Take two - they're small!